Week 44 – 31st October 2014 – Past Tense


I was asked to contribute something to a magazine for Widows and Widowers.  I felt a bit lost and didn’t know what I wanted to write.  I went outside to chop some wood (in my dungarees).  Half an hour later I came in, sat down at the piano and wrote this.

Sorry it’s not a Halloween song, or a birthday song to myself, but the song clearly wanted to come into the world.  So here it is……
Past Tense

All the way home I tried
To feel the way I used to feel
Nostalgia always lies,
Chasing lost nights, I’m losing tonight

Always part of me looking back
Always part lost in loss
However I try to say I am
There’s always part that says I was,

And I was, So lucky, so in love
So stupid, I was
And I was,
So happy, so in love
So blind, I was

Yes I spend nights alone
Sometimes I care, sometimes I don’t
He was the heart of my home
Now I am the heart wherever I go

Always part of me looking back
I am made of the darkness of loss
But everyday I say I am
I am now because I was

Always part of me yearning to live
Somehow says past be damned
Tho’ there’s a cry that says I was
There’s a shout that says I am

And I am
So lucky, so in love
Stubborn & stupid, I am
And I am,
So happy, so in love
Blithely blind, I am



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